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為什么你不該對孩子大聲嚷嚷?

  For the past 50 years, spanking has been used to discipline children less and less. But what about yelling? Almost everyone still yells at children from time to time, even those parents who know it's useless. Roaring is probably the most unwise behavior of parenting today.

  50年來,用打屁股的方式來管教孩子的現象越來越少。但大喊大叫呢?幾乎所有人還是會不時地對孩子們嚷嚷,即使是那些知道這么做沒用的父母。吼叫可能是當今為人父母者最不明智的行為。

  In people who often yell, their children's self-esteem is often weak and their depression is higher. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Child Development showed that yelling at children has consequences similar to corporal punishment: increased levels of anxiety, stress, and depression, along with behavioral problems increase.

  在經常大喊大叫的人家,子女的自尊心往往較弱,抑郁的比例更高。2014年發表在《兒童發育雜志》(Journal of Child Development)上的一項研究表明,沖著孩子大喊大叫會產生類似于體罰的后果:焦慮、壓力和抑郁程度增加,行為問題也隨之增加。

  How many times in your parenting experience have you thought about "ah, right?"

  在你為人父母的經歷中,你有多少次在對孩子嚷嚷后想過“嗯,這么做對不對”?

  嚷嚷 does not help you establish authority. This will only make your child feel that you are out of control. Makes you look weak. Let's be honest, you yell because you're okay.嚷嚷 Rather than spanking, it is a reaction of parents who do not know what to do.

  嚷嚷無助于你樹立權威。這只會讓孩子覺得你失控。讓你看起來軟弱無能。實話說吧,你之所以大喊大叫就是因為你沒轍。嚷嚷甚于打屁股,是父母不知道還能怎么辦的反應。

  But most parents, myself included, find it really hard to spend the day without 嚷嚷. The latest research on shouting asks parents two questions: What should I do? How can I get rid of this habit?

  但大多數家長——包括我自己在內,發現不用嚷嚷就能度過一天真的很難。關于喊叫的最新研究向父母提出了兩個問題:我應該怎么做?要怎么改掉這個習慣?

  What we are talking about here is not you shouting to remind your children to be careful of cars. We are talking about roaring as a way to correct it. As a tool, corrective shouting has no effect, it is just a habitual slap at the child. We yell at our children for the same thing every day, and because they feel ineffective, we have to yell more and more fiercely. Put your clothes away! Come down for dinner! Don't ride on dogs! Don't beat your brother too often!

  我們在這里討論的,不是你大聲喊叫提醒孩子小心汽車。我們說的是把吼叫作為一種糾正方式。作為一種工具,糾正性的大喊大叫是沒有效果的,不過是對孩子習慣性的嚷嚷而已。我們每天會因為同樣的事情對子女叫喊,而且由于覺得沒有效果,還要越叫越兇。把衣服放好!下來吃飯!不要騎在狗身上!別老打你弟弟!

  Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University, says it's useless to know that yelling is not good in itself. It's not really a strategy for disciplining children, but a means of venting yourself.

  耶魯大學的心理學和兒童精神病學教授艾倫·卡茲丁(Alan Kazdin)說,僅僅知道大喊大叫本身不好是沒有用的。它其實并非一種管教孩子的策略,而是你自己的一種發泄手段。

  "If the parents' purpose is to vent, I want to calm down and show you how angry I am, okay, yelling might be perfect," Katzdin said. "If the goal is to change some aspects of your child, or to develop a positive habit in your child, yelling will not work." There are other strategies that don't require you to yell like a madman.

  “如果父母的目的是宣泄,我想消消氣,并且向你表明我有多生氣,好吧,大喊大叫可能是完美的,”卡茲丁說。“如果目標是改變孩子的某些方面,或者在孩子身上培養一種積極的習慣,那么大喊大叫可就行不通了。”還有其他的策略,無需你像瘋子一樣喊叫。

  Many people think that positive and positive is actually a form of laziness, as if positive parents do not care about their children at all. But he is not allowed to require parents to plan and discipline in advance, but he is not.

  很多人認為,積極正面其實是一種懶惰的表現形式,就好像那些積極正面的父母根本不會管孩子。但不許嚷嚷需要父母有提前的規劃和紀律,而嚷嚷則不然。

  Kazdin is promoting a project called ABCs, which represents antecedents, behaviors, and consequences. Preconditions are set in advance. Specifically, tell them before you want your child to do anything. Behavior is when parents define, shape, and model behavior. The consequence is that when the action is performed, approve it and make an exaggerated compliment, accompanied by an agreeable limb movement.

  卡茲丁在推廣一個名為ABCs的項目,它代表著前置條件(antecedents)、行為(behaviors)和后果(consequences)。前置條件是進行提前的設置,具體說,就是在你希望孩子做什么之前,先告訴他們。行為就是父母對行為進行定義、塑造和建模。后果就是當行為得到執行時,表達贊許,做出一種夸張的贊美,同時伴以表示贊同的肢體動作。

  Therefore, don't yell at him every night because the child throws his shoes around, but ask him in the morning if he can leave the shoes when he goes home. Make sure you go home and put your shoes away. If your child puts his shoes in place, even if they can put them near where they should be put, tell him that this is good, then hug him.

  因此,不要每天晚上因為孩子把鞋到處亂丟對他大喊大叫,而是要在早上問他,能不能回家時把鞋子放好。確保你回家把自己的鞋子放好。如果你的孩子把鞋子放好了,乃至能把它們放在該放的地方附近,告訴他這樣很好,然后擁抱他。

  ABC Praise is a very specific technique. You must be enthusiastic, so you must put a silly smile on your face and even raise your hand to wave. Next you have to say what you praise with a very happy and pleasant voice. The third step is to stroke the child and give him some words of praise. This stupidity is its characteristics, not its flaws. It makes children notice the compliments that come with correct behavior. That's the point.

    蛐蛐英語 www.244129.buzz

  ABC贊美法是一種非常具體的技術。你必須熱情,所以必須在臉上擺出傻乎乎的笑容,甚至舉起手來揮舞。接下來你要用一種非常高興、愉快的聲音,說出你贊美的內容。第三步是撫摸孩子,并給他一些不用語言表達的贊美。這種傻乎乎是它的特性而不是缺陷。它讓孩子注意到伴隨正確行為而來的贊美。這就是重點。

  We need to get into the habit, Katzdin said. "This practice actually changes the brain. In the process, the behaviors you want to correct, the various tempers and struggles, all of them disappear." Furthermore, he states, "As a side effect, when you do these When things go down, parents' depression and stress will actually decrease and family relationships will improve. "

  “我們要養成習慣,”卡茲丁說。“這種做法實際上改變了大腦,在這個過程中,你想糾正的行為,各種鬧脾氣和斗爭,所有這一切都消失了。”此外,他指出,“作為一個副作用,當你做這些事情時,父母的抑郁和壓力實際上會下降,家庭關系會好轉。”

  If children behave better, then we won't yell. If we don't yell, children will perform better.

  如果孩子表現得更好,那么我們就不會大叫。如果我們不大叫,孩子就會表現得更好。

  The beauty of having such a system is that it is not to react after the child has done bad things, not to wait for them to mess things up and get angry, instead, you have a clear plan. But planning requires parental self-discipline, and it's difficult. "We know that human beings have so-called negative prejudices," Kazdin said. "In psychological terms, this is called 'normal'. This is something in the brain, and through evolution we are very sensitive to negative things in the environment."

  擁有這樣一個系統的美妙之處在于,它不是在孩子做了壞事之后做出反應,不是等他們搞砸事情然后生氣,相反,你有一個明確的計劃。但規劃需要父母這邊的自律,而且很難。“我們知道人類有所謂的消極偏見,”卡茲丁說。“用心理學術語講,這叫‘正常’。這是大腦里的一種東西,通過進化,我們對環境中的負面事物非常敏感。”

  It is our inherent instinct to yell. This is an evolved survival instinct, depending on what it protects. Yelling is hard to give up, because it makes us think that this is what parents should do.

  大喊大叫是我們固有的本能。這是一種進化的生存本能,取決于那些它要保護的東西。大喊大叫是很難放棄的,因為它讓我們覺得這是為人父母該做的。

  In the 1960s, 94% of parents used corporal punishment. A 2010 poll showed that number had dropped to 22%. There may be many reasons for this, including the influence of some child development educators. But there must be a reason, if there is a more effective way to change children's behavior without involving violent behavior, then the reason for beating the child will disappear. If it doesn't work, why spanking? The same applies to yelling: Why do you yell? It's not for children.

  在1960年代,94%的父母使用體罰。2010年的一項民意調查顯示,這一數字下降至22%。這可能有很多原因,包括一些兒童發展教育者的影響。但肯定有一個原因是,如果有一種更有效的方式來改變孩子們的行為,而且不涉及暴力的行為,那么打孩子的原因就會消失。如果不起作用,為什么還要打屁股?這同樣適用于大喊大叫:你為什么要大喊大叫?這不是為了孩子好。

  Ultimately, disciplinary skills must be effective. Let your child do what you want and don't do what you don't want throughout the day. Praise is valid. And punishment is ineffective.

  最終,紀律技巧必須是有效的,要讓孩子在一天之中做你希望的事情、不做你不希望的事情。贊美是有效的。而懲罰是無效的。

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